It has been six weeks sine I have written, but at least I am back!
Yesterday I was also really struggling, this time with anger, with the testing of both my older daughter and my son. I cried and talked to two friends about it. Today my daughter really tested me again before heading to school this morning, but I was able to stay calm through it.
We've done exciting things since I last wrote -- including going to Hawaii for a week on a family vacation -- but I have to say that I really enjoyed today, home on a rainy day with the two little ones, even sitting on the floor doing laundry (as my 15-month old practiced her "In, in," putting clothes -- and toys -- in the basket.
There are still many things that I need to get done, but I really want to stay mindful and peaceful through it.
I think a lot of anxiety perpetuates itself. I want to let myself enjoy the days and nights as they unfold, have goals but not always feel I need to be doing something else or that I am not doing enough. I want -- choose -- to trust that I will be able to do what I need to do when I need to do it.
One of my close friends had a baby last night. I still would like to have one more baby -- I also know that my husband and I are not really prepared at this time, and that biological clock wise, sooner is rather than later. As I lay nursing my youngest, helping her down for her nap, I felt that if I am meant to have another baby, the way for it to happen is to now be present to the family that I have, and make room for another by making the most of what we have.
I need to prepare to pick my oldest up now.
It will not be another six weeks until I write again!
