Scare

Had five of the worst minutes of my life today...when I was changing Audrey's diaper, Larry ran away.      He went into to the car, used the garage door opener, and literally ran away.  He was angry because he didn't get a chance to go on the swings at the park (we needed to get home soon to have lunch and pick up Ia for early day, only one swing was open, I gave Audrey the first turn and he threw wood chips at me and hit me so I told him he couldn't go on the swing), and he was determined to go by himself.  When I came out and saw the garage door open and no sign of Larry, I knew what he had done and why, and when I called him loudly and heard no response, I started getting hysterical.  Fortunately, my neighbors came through.  My next door neighbor watched Audrey -- a nearby neighbor called the sherrif's office, while another drove the neighborhood looking for him.  The mail lady found him around the block, and my neighbor across the street-- who had gone with his mother out driving -- walked Larry home, while I was on the phone with the sherriff's office.

The only times I have been close to that upset were when my OB Gyn's office told me I had had a miscarriage when I was pregnant with Ia (obviously, they were wrong, thank God) and when Larry ran away once in JC Penny's when I was very pregnant with Audrey.  But today he was out in the world, I was home alone with Audrey, and I knew that he was angry and wanted to get to the park, which could mean his trying to cross streets and just generally being alone and vulnerable out in the world with me helpless to protect him.  Terrifying, upsetting.  Thank God for the help and that he was returned to me safely and quickly.

Other things happened today, but that was the most impactful.  It made me feel so vulnerable, because I cannot be everywhere at once, and Larry is so big at getting things for himself now -- even if I had the car locked and hung up the key, he has been getting out the step stool to get things he wants.  What am I supposed to do when I need to change Audrey's diaper?  Will I ever be able to lie down with her and nurse again?  What happens if I fall asleep?

Before when it was time to go somewhere, if I said "OK, Larry, I'm going," and started walking, he would always be right there.  Now not so much.

How do I keep him safe?