Yesterday Larry and Audrey and I went with my dad on a train advernture, just taking the light rail for the experience of it. It was fun! My dad brought junk food (we shouldn't have had any food on the train, I know), and I felt like a kid myself, having bites of my apple fritter as Larry had chocolate donut with sprinkles and Audrey had goldfish and we watched the world go by through the (slightly dirty) train window. Audrey fell asleep nursing on the ride back, which was also kind of lovely. She was also Cinderella -- she had one of her first pairs of little shoes on, and we noticed on the train that one fell off; luckily, we found it back at the station, under the bench.
Today, Larry and Audrey and I went to the Aerospace Museum. Again, really fun. Larry loved getting in the cockpit on the 1/5th size plane, and Audrey loved looking at the life-sized models of astronauts. They both loved the play area upstairs.
Tomorrow Ia gets a bonus early day -- we may go to Art Beast. It will be difficult to spend the money, and I have been thinking about whether it would be better not to, but they all do really like it, and I think it is of value, even though it is an investment. I just don't want to feel like we have to go all the time. It's still important to have variety, and time at home.
I love having the freedom to explore with Larry and Audrey, and I really like having the two of them. I want to do things with all three kids when I can as well. Anyway, I am glad that Larry is not in preschool yet.
I did get my period yesterday, so I know that I am not pregnant. It probably is best if we do have the three. On an immediate practical level, we are hoping to travel to Chicago next summer, and it wouldn't be possible to go if I got pregnant in the next few months, and then it would be a lot harder to travel with four and I don't know if or when we'd ever go.
I've been dealing with some disappointment over not ultimately being able to sing in a cabaret benefit I had been asked to perform in. I"m trying to feel less dependent on any one outcome.
I did not go singing last night. I had nothing immediately to work on, and I felt so exhausted, both from getting my period and also from being up late the night before -- actually from disillusionment. I found out that the priest that brought me into the church was kicked out of the church for inappropriate conduct with a minor 25 years previously. The same thing happened with my pastor in Chicago. And the minister -- the protestant minister -- who baptized me back in college gave a sermon one Sunday about how he had always felt that he had certain spiritual gifts that he thought of as part of his calling, and then he read information about Adult Children of Alcoholics -- and he was one -- and he found that the characteristics he thought of as gifts were also seen as symptoms of being and ACoA. The following week, he resigned.
And on that note... I am tired.
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